What Happens When We Are Terrified?

Yes, we are all at sea right now. We are fighting the waves of change. When I stood in line my habit trained mind rebelled against the 6-foot rule. My body wanted to move up. Many times the clerk had to say, “Wait until you are called up.” I watched my mind. I am always curious. My habit mind reacted and I felt many things at once. I felt ashamed because I hadn’t complied with the new rule and then exactly like the child that runs my life I felt petulant and defensive. Things like,”Who are you to” and “Why are you embarrassing me” and many other responses like that of a spoiled 4 year old flashed through my mind.

And then people became numb to the COVID threat. I haven’t experienced a loved one dying on a respirator alone in a hospital so it isn’t real for me. None of my neighbours has tested positive and had to isolate and they don’t wear masks so it must not be that bad.

I watched my mind insisting that if I had no first-hand experience with the reasons for the rules then the rules were stupid and I wanna. I wanna go out. I wanna be with people. I wanna ignore the rules and the fear and the scientific data.

I thought of the time when I was too old to be that stupid when I ate some pretty red berries on a bush outback. I ate them because I WANTED to. My mother had told me that not everything that looked like a berry was a berry and I must not put new things in my mouth.

Nobody I knew was poisoned by a beautiful red seed looking like a berry. I had never been poisoned. The danger held no personal…